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You are the calm in the midst of my storm [entries|friends|calendar]
spin a little faster

kiss me with faerie dust | you steal my heart
give me the moon | and you take my breath away
dance under the stars... | won't you take me in?
and i'll sing for you | take me deeper...
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wake me, I want to see the daylight- save me from this half-life [Wednesday ~ October 6/ 04
@ 5:27pm]
[ mood | cool ]

Weeeell, you know that feeling where you feel strongly about something/someone, but you really can't do anything about it...and all you can do is wonder about what could have been...

It's a burning feeling. And when there's nothing you can do to change the situation and nothing you can do to change your feelings....you just have to let it burn.

I get that song now


Ok, I really my home ec class now. I really truly feel violated and stuff...like, ok at the beginning the tickling was ok, because it was just tickling right? But now it's all these guys touching me and stuff...just on my stomach and shoulders and legs and not in a really ual way....but when there's a lot of them doing it at one time it makes me uneasy. And so I hit them and move away and yell and ask politely and I've tried everything and the teacher even knows but I don't think she takes it seriously and.....I don't know. Am I freaking out for no reason?? Probably. Of course. I just have something about people touching me.. I guess. probably because I'm so effing ticklish or whatever.


So I'm going out with my church again this weekend on the family campout (joy) but it's gonna be a lot less fun because nobody's going to be there except Brandon but i'm thinking he might be a little irritated with me, but I'll clear that up tonight when I go to Wed. night church. Sheesh it's like I live at church or something....


Motherfreaking AAAAHHH I cannot stand this computer...it keeps freezing up on me and shutting down. I'm asking for my own computer for Christmas and nothing else. What can my parents do then? They're still pretending Santa Claus is real for the sake of my littlest sister Aubrey. A real Santa wouldn't ignore an little 's only wish.

Yeah ok...it sounds stupid but I personally think it's a fab idea. Actually I just really wanted to use the word 'fab'.


Chris is flirting with me again. Like it's weird and stuff. But I think all Chris-es (i'm trying to go plural here) are bad news. (actually almost....I know this one guy named Chris and he's a sweetie) It's like a curse though....Kayla went out with a Chris who was a loser, Sarah went out with a Chris who was also a loser....a guy named Chris liked Keslie (or something like that?) and this creepy stalker guy named Chris was stalking Jenny a while back.

Weird. And also (yeah, I know you care so much about this subject, right) I just reread this short story-ish type thing I wrote a year ago about this getting d......and just GUESS what the guy's name was??? Yeah, it was eerie. Like a premonition about Chrises and stuff.

Sorry to all the people named Chris that I might have just offended


LUV ya

2 kissables quiet

pick me up, tape me together... [Saturday ~ September 18/ 04
@ 5:21pm]
Well no, I haven't gotten over what I'm feeling but it's only been a few hours and I am confuzzled again.....and I forgot to say that I was very happy and very ok last night and this morning and actually now too

But I still feel like this...

I'm shown to your cage
to wage
this rage
don't let me go....

I'm sick of people pretending to love me, when they can't stand to see my ugly side - and reject me once they do..

this gir l can't always be pink clothes and silver makeup and bluejeans and green eyes, you know?
no one can live like that, yet everyone pretends to.

What's wrong with these people? I don't want to say everyone, cause I'm sure there are people out there like me, but... I'm not sure if I know anyone who is really real.

I don't want to be the only one who can show themself....yes, it attracts many people, but it also gets so lonely.

bittersweet and strange, finding you can change, learning you were wrong.... [Monday ~ August 30/ 04
@ 5:11pm]
[ mood | bouncy ]

don't try to pretend your heart isn't breaking

</3>So here's one of those trendy little friends only posts. Comment and I will CONSIDER you.....

yeah, who am I kidding? Course I'll add ya

xoxo jojo

5 kissables quiet

I watch the world go bye...I wonder what it's like to wake up every single day, smile on your face [Monday ~ August 30/ 04
@ 5:09pm]
[ mood | headachey ]

Just found out my dad's printing out my AIM conversations and going through my history. Again.


Yeah. Suddenly I remember why I'm making this pretty thing friends only. Next post is my little picturey thing.

I am so effin p i s s e d off right now...plus I have a reeeeally bad headache on top of everythang. I've been very near throwing up all day & I almost passed out this morning. I think I'm dying or something.

Or maybe I just need a hug.

2 kissables quiet

things are finally- finally- looking up [Saturday ~ August 28/ 04
@ 5:00pm]

Bandaids are stylish. Anybody who thinks otherwise is just WRONG

Just went to the mall with Abby (who, btw, has CONVERTED after extensive internet research and is about to read the books. Is that not an awesome person??) and we saw Little Black Book. Well, the first 10 minutes of it, anyway. Effin boring- don't see it. And....met some guys. Guess who I was thinking about the whole time through our convo with them....

I'm getting a new banner until better screencaps come out for PoA. I'm thinking about something with fire. I love fire. I can just stare at it for an hour and not get bored....

But that's just me.

I'm making my journal friends only....I had a good reason but I forgot it. Dammit.. that happens waaaay too often ::slaps self::

Come in Closer by Blue October is the most beautiful song I've ever heard. I would buy History for Sale just for this song.


That was to make up for the serious lack of exclamation marks in this post.


And there's somor. I feel so empty with out the exclamations.


- jojo!!!!!!!


It's like a time machine or something... [Friday ~ August 27/ 04
@ 5:12pm]
You know you grew up in the 90's if...

1. You've ever ended a sentence with the word "PSYCH!"
2. You watched the Pound Puppies.
3. You can sing the rap to the "Fresh Prince of Bel Air.
4. You wore biker shorts under your skirts and felt stylish.
5. You yearned to be a member of the Baby-Sitters Club and tried to start a club of your own.
6. You owned those little Strawberry Shortcake pals scented dolls.
7. You know that "WOAH" comes from Joey on Blossom.
8. Two words: M.C. Hammer Can't touch this.
9. If you ever watched "Fraggle Rock."
10. You had plastic streamers on your handle bars.
11. You can sing the entire theme song to "Duck Tales."
12. You remember when it was actually worth getting up early on a Saturday to watch cartoons.
13. You wore a ponytail on the side of your head.
14. You saw the original "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles" on the big screen.
15. You got super-excited when it was Oregon Trail day in computer class at school. YESS!!
16. You played the game "MASH". best effin game in the world...me and Keslie've been playing since 3rd grade or sumthin

18. L.A. Gear
19. You wanted to change your name to "JEM" in Kindergarten
20. You remember reading "Tales of a fourth grade nothing" and all the Ramona books.
21. You know the profound meaning of "WAX ON, WAX OFF."
22. You wanted to be a Goonie.
23. You ever wore flourescent clothing.
24. You can remember what Michael Jackson looked like before his nose fell off.
25. You have pondered why Smurfette was the only female smurf.
26. You took plastic cartoon lunch boxes to school.
27. You remember the CRAZE, then the BANNING of slap bracelets. I STILL HAVE ONE!!!
29. You remember Hypercolor T-shirts
28. You still get the urge to say "NOT" after every sentence.

30. Barbie and the Rockers was your favorite band.
31. You thought She-Ra and He-Man should hook up.
32. You thought your childhood friends would never leave because you exchanged friendship bracelets.
33. You owned a pair of jelly sandals.
34. After you saw Pee-Wee's Big Adventure you kept saying "I know you are, but what am I?"
35. You remember "I've fallen and I can't get up!"
36. You remember going to the skating rink before there were in-line skates.
37. You ever got seriously injured on a Slip 'n' Slide.
38. You have ever played with a Skip-It.
39. You had or attended a birthday party at McDonald's.
41. You remember Popples.
42. "Don't worry, be happy."
43. You wore like, EIGHT pairs of socks over tights.
44. You wore socks scrunched down.
45. "Miss MARY MACK MACK MACK, all dressed in BLACK BLACK BLACK"
46. You remember boom boxes vs. CD players.
47. You remember watching both "Gremlins" movies.
48. You knew what it meant to say "Care Bear Stare!"
49. You remember watching Rainbow Brite and My Little Ponies.
50. You thought Doogie Howser was hot.
51. You remember Alf, the lil furry brown alien from Melmac.
52. You remember New Kids on the Block when they were cool.
53. You knew all the characters names and their life stories on "Saved By the Bell," the ORIGINAL class.
54. You know all the words to Bon Jovi - "YOU GIVE LOVE A BAD NAME".
55. You played and or collected "Pogs". Brannon has all mine.
56. You used to pretend that you could transform into a Power Ranger.

Seriously though....does that not bring back so many memories?? Hmm?
2 kissables quiet

just dont [Thursday ~ August 26/ 04
@ 6:32pm]

I'm sick and tired of people telling me who I am

I'm a PREP if I wear PINK

I'm a goth if I wear black

I can't be punk if I like Ashlee Simpson

I can't be prep if I like Taking Back Sunday

I'm a poser if I wear the wrong thing oR liStEn To ThE wRoNg MuSiC

I'm a loser if I read

I'm a s l u t if I wear a tHoNg

I'm a freak if I speak my mind

I'm a nerd if I'm smart

I'm stupid if I'm a just little spacey sometimes

I'm emo

I'm quiet

I'm weird

I'm loud

I'm an airhead

I'm normal

I'm popular

I AM what I am and I can BE what I want. You can't tell me otherwise. 

I dOn'T wAnT tO bE lAbELeD

4 kissables quiet

don't call my name out your window...I'm leaving [Thursday ~ August 26/ 04
@ 4:23pm]
[ mood | left out ]

I have a bandaid in my mouth right now, yep I do. don't question me.

I Keslie/kayla/Sarah right now. They're off at a football game for their school and I'm...not. Mmmfk am I moving districts or not?? I made about a gishmillion awesome friends this week....yet....ack I'm confused.

Anyway, it's an awesome thing how many friends you can make by not worrying what anyone thinks of you. Seriously. I said I didn't last year, but I did, yet this year I don't for some reason....probably because I'm thinking it's my last year in the district. It's gonna be like that movie where the parents are like "We're moving" and the kid's like "WE'RE MOVING?? SCORE!!" so he does all these crazy awesome things that he never had the guts to do before...then the parents are like "We're not moving" and he's like "WE'RE NOT MOVING?? AAAAAHH!!!!!" and yeah...you know what I'm talking about.

But I still wanna go to their district...or do I?

I still them for going to that football game.

I wanna see Napolean Dynamite. Bad.


& of course I have math homework to ruin my good mood... [Saturday ~ August 21/ 04
@ 7:33pm]
[ mood | mmm, better ]

I just took a nap, and my head's a lot clearer now. I allowed myself to think about him.

I love hugs. I want to hug him...I wonder how he feels. I wonder how he smells.

Two things I don't know about him...

I'm watching 'The Road to El Dorado' right now on ABC. It's f'n hilarious (at least I think so)- see if it's still on wherever you are.


Way You Walk [Saturday ~ August 21/ 04
@ 4:55pm]
[ mood | lightheaded ]

I can tell by the way you walk you wanna be alone with him
'Cause you're pacing at an open door, you're waiting and you can't come in

Why do you make up all these stories
Made up your mind, decided for me

I can tell by the way you walk you wanna be alone with him

When you called me on the telephone I knew that you were miles away
'Cause the words that you said to me weren't hiding what you couldn't say

Plans sort of changed up for the weekend
Friend came to town been years since I seen him

I can tell by the way you talk you wanna be alone with him (alone with him)

(Ooh alone with him)
(Ooh alone with him)
(Ooh alone with him)
(Ooh alone with him)

He was in my dreams
What else could it mean

When you laugh at me behind my back I'll turn and you can run away
Will you tell him all the special things you told me you could never say

I never said I'd be yours only, I didn't know until you told me
If I go I won't be lonely, if I stay now you don't own me

I can tell by the way you smile your love is changing on a whim

Maybe I will and maybe I won't
Maybe I do and maybe I don't
Maybe I will and maybe I won't
Maybe I do and maybe I don't

(I can tell by the way you walk)
(Maybe I will and maybe I won't)
(I can tell by the way you walk)
(Maybe I do and maybe I don't)
(I can tell by the way you walk)
(Maybe I will and maybe I won't)
(Maybe I do and maybe I don't)


That's where she lies- broken inside [Saturday ~ August 21/ 04
@ 4:54pm]
[ mood | mmmfk ]

My thoat's not working. I can't speak.

I feel like crawling under my covers and shutting down. I wish it would fucking rain- it has been all week, but it stops on Saturday.

Mmmfk my brain's not working. Everytime I try to think, I feel like it's scattered around the room and I have to walk around and pick up the pieces before I can know anything...

That did not make sense. I can only see orange red and yellow.

I wanna go to California. I love the beach. I love how the waves toss you and throw you and everything else is erased from your mind.

Eeek, I think it's my throat that's making me feel so weird and lightheaded. I don't wanna do math, but it's my last homework left and I'll be glad if I can get it over with. To hell with math!!

Ooooh I forgot, I was gonna look up the song that's in that commercial- everyone knows it- it's the one with the song that starts out "I can tell by the way you walk..." and this guy bumps into this girl on the subway or something and then she has a breathment and breathes on the window and writes her number with her finger and he doesn't have anything to write it down with so he can't remember it....Yup, that commercial. I ♥ that one
What's your fave commercial? Have you ever seen that 'I feel pretty' Aquafina one? That's my current favorite ;D


Truuuue that he's no Prince Charming... [Saturday ~ August 21/ 04
@ 3:53pm]
[ mood | much much better ]

There's something sweet
And almost kind
But he was mean and he was course and unrefined
And now he's dear
and so unsure
I wonder why I didn't see it there before...

I feel silly...I feel like finding somebody with awesome interests and friending them...I CAN'T BELIEVE NO ONE ELSE IS INTERESTED IN FANKETS!!!!

One of my life goals is to the word 'fanket' added to the dictionary. It means 'a crazy person' and was created because I was writing a poem and couldn't think of anything to rhyme with 'blankets'

I have a headache but I feel pretty good. Just got home from Ross, where people were staring at me because I started crying in the middle of the clothes aisle. :D:D:D Crying=therapy, even if you don't know what you're crying about. I just saw this hoodie that said 'I Love You- Billabong" and I lost it. lmao I have ISSUES

I feel like cheerios. GO CHEERIOS!!!!

lol my sister's hanging around the comp room just because I'm playing the Lion King soundtrack and she likes to sing along

I'll write when I have something to say.


Mmmfk [Saturday ~ August 21/ 04
@ 10:34am]
[ mood | frustrated ]

It don't do me any good
It's just a waste of time
What use is it to you what's on my mind
If it ain't coming out
We're not going anywhere
So why can't I just tell you that I care?

Cause I'm feelin' nervous
Tryin' to be so perfect
Cause I know you're worth it
You're worth it...

If I could say what I wanna say
I'd say I want to blow you away
Be with you every night
Am I holdin' you too tight?
If I could say what I wanna see
I want to see you go down on one knee
Marry me today
Yes I'm wishin' my life away...
With these things I'll never say...

Ugh I promised myself I wouldn't think about him...wtf's wrong with me??

Ok, so here's what I'm (not) gonna do- I'm not gonna think about him until I talk to him again, which hopefully will be Monday. I hate how we only have 1 class together... I'm not going to think about him because I hate how I feel when I think about him and I'm not going to waste my first weekend feeling like my brain's broken and my heart's empty.

I love Taking Back Sunday so much. I had a dream last night...I guess it was a dream because I was sleeping, but I didn't see anything, I just heard all of their songs playing through my head. It was cool. So I woke up singing 'You're so Last Summer' to my stuffed gorilla that sleeps next to me.

She said dooon't
Don't let it go to your head
Boys like you are diiiime a dozen
Boys like you are diiiime a dozen she said

You're a touch
You're lush
and I hate it...

2 kissables quiet

I'll get back to you when I don't feel so numb [Friday ~ August 20/ 04
@ 6:48pm]
[ mood | empty ]

I feel so empty now...completely drained of emotion. It's like I took all my feelings from my heart and put them on the internet, and now they're not there anymore.

The crying was better than this. At least then, I knew it was real.

7 kissables quiet

I'm so soooooooorry that it had to be this way please don't haaaaate me cause there's nothin' else t [Friday ~ August 20/ 04
@ 5:47pm]
[ mood | contemplative ]

captain of ~ the football team ~ a cheerleaders ~ recurring dream ~ you're on the road! ~ to Harvard law ~ I'm on the bus ~ to Arkansas ~ ...I stand in ~ your driveway ~ your world looks so enchanting...

Fefe Dobson!! The dog name girl!!

Go get Lochjournal. You'll love it :)

Ok, I KNOW you've been wondering about the status of my damaged ass. Well, I broke it again during english/science/comp lit/history/lang/home ec, but this nice comfy computer chair is helping its repair along nicely. Thank you for your concern.

Hmm. Thongs really don't help the matter. Most of the time they can be comfortable and nice, but if you wear only thongs for a month straight, it starts to get a little uncomfortable. I know you really wanted to know that. No thanks necessary.

Who loves my header?? ME!! ME!!! I've had it for forever, but I'm only just appreciating how truly genius I am. I know the picture is a little fuzzy, but....HRH forever and it doesn't matter!!

Pointful entry is next. I promise this time. It hurts though.


Hey you- you turn your back on your children... [Thursday ~ August 19/ 04
@ 7:26pm]
[ mood | peaceful after much crying ]

Ok, so I'm an f'n liar, I admit it. This post doesn't have any point except that I L-U-V the song 'Giving it All Away' it's by Ashlee and even if you aren't into the whole poppy punk thing- buy it anyway cause it's AWESOME I swear...xoxo

"Slow down, just look a little closer
you might find that it's not the end
you wonder how your life could get better
When you're alone you just tear yourself down
Giving it all
giving it all away
You're just giving it all
giving it all away
Hey hey heyeyeyeyey"

it's so cool how she says the 'hey'

My pointful entry will prolly be next, but I can't make any guarentees because it's sort of hard for me to write...I've written more than half. friends only, biotch;D

4 kissables quiet

...He says I'm sorry [Thursday ~ August 19/ 04
@ 5:10pm]
::sigh:: Sorry again for the last entry. It was a sugar-induced post apologizing for the sugar-induced post before that. I'm definitely not on sugar right now...actually I feel sorta weird. Actually I hafta pee. Hold on. K, I'm back. And feeling lonely. No one ever ever ever comments in here, and I don't feel guilty or pathetic saying it because I know no one will read it to care.

ON A BRIGHTER NOTE: I fixed my ass. It was broken from sitting on it 8 hours straight in SCHOOL.

Armondo likes me. Don't know Armondo? Me neither, he just likes me...

There's no real point for this. There will be a point in the next entry- a huge point, but I'm doing a seperate post. Just cuz I have Lochjournal and I CAN

To Hell With You And ALL YOUR FRIENDS [Wednesday ~ August 18/ 04
@ 6:15pm]
[ mood | pissed off ]

MY INTERNET!!!!! IT'S FIXED!!!  god loves me again...

I've been at jk's site.  New book 6 clue...

He looked rather like an old lion.  There were streaks of grey in his mane of tawny hair and his bushy eyebrows; he had keen, yellowish eyes behind a pair of wire-rimmed spectacles and a certain rangy, loping grace even though he walked with a slight limp.


And ok, on a serious note....hmmm...serious...thinking...EURIKA!  I have an eating disorder.  I mean not a real one, but one inside my head.  I hadn't eaten for A WHOLE EFFING DAY until I got home...and I still wasn't hungry- but I forced myself to eat because I knew it's not natural to go 24 hours and not be hungry.

So I was tryin to find my 1st class today that I had NOT been to yet (yeah, it's weird- middle of the week and I still hadn't been there) and I couldn't effing find it!!!  That was a first for me- I have NEVER not been able to find my class before the bell.  And so here I was, walking down the hall, so very lost, thinking 'Pssht, thanks a lot God- what a help you are....no wait, just kidding- don't hurt me! I didn't mean it!...  But still, you could help me out a little...Jesus Christ'...'   And so this girl walks up, and she's late, but she stops and goes: "What class are you looking for?" and she FOUND MY HALL FOR ME???  How awesome is that?  I loved her so much at that moment, I coulda been lesbian.  And then I was like "HEY!  MAYBE THAT WAS AN ANGEL!!"  But then I saw her later talking to somebody else, so I'm thinking that's a no.

Just went on a commenting spree.  BE HAPPY!!!

OH MY EFFING GOD!!!!!  My mom is SUCH a %$!@&#!!!!  She comes in here and I minimized this because it's none of her effing business what's in my effing journal and she says 'I read blahblahblah about parents who spy on their kids and if your teen shuts down what they're doing when you walk in the room and hang over their damn shoulder it difinitely means they're on porno or something, so you should disconnect their computer and lock them in their room forever....she probably thinks I'm buying drugs on Ebay or whatever...she has a problem with thinking I'm on drugs 24/7.  It would be funny if it were ANYONE BUT ME!!!

Last of all:  I'd really like to apologize for my last entry.  I'm not forcing you to sing the washa song.  I blame it all on the sugar. 

I really feel like typing everything in all caps.  Dunno why.  SUGAR??????????

It's so.....quiet.  Why does no one comment?  Not even the people on my friends list...

Do you realize just how desperate and needy that made me seem?  Of course you do, unless you're Chinese and can't read english or something...

Now I feel paranoid that my mom's gonna go through my history and read my journal. 

Mom, if you're reading this...WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM???  This is my business, not yours.  Back away slowly and no one will get hurt.

-Sorry if I sound a bit biotchy, but that's just how it is-


4 kissables quiet

THIS is what I get out of a day in school [Tuesday ~ August 17/ 04
@ 6:13pm]
[ mood | sugar-hopped ]


Come on!! Sing the Mwana Song. It's either that or the washa song, one of my personal favorites.

Washawashawasha dum du det do dee washawashawasha mum mu met mo mee...

You knoooow yoooou waaaant tooooooo..


And are you waking up slowly, nothing but lonely...are you wakin' up holdin'- holdin' your breath... [Tuesday ~ August 17/ 04
@ 5:20pm]
[ mood | tired ]

So I saw Morgan today...she's pretty much the same- popular and nice and pretty and whatever. She's got blue eyes now...we don't see each other anymore and it sucks. I wish Kayla and Keslie came here. I'm gonna see if anybody on here goes.

TALKED TO MRS. HERNADEZ TODAY!!! It was sort of inevitable because we were in the hall together and it would have just been weird if we didn't talk. She kept saying how much she loooved Mrs. Battle (pronounced : BUY-YAY- ...wtf, right?) and how I was gonna have soooo much fun this year. I was like yeah, whatever, but in a polite way of course. Office Aide is so much better than yesterday. Me and Mr. Office Aide had to go do stuff every 2 minutes. He's really nice and non-threatening. Gotta love those non-threatening males, right?

English we had to read stuff about our selves. (bio poems- how original. when did we start that? Oh yeah- 2nd grade) I was like whatever, who cares and the two s next to me were freaking out and trying to put coats over their heads or something so they wouldn't be seen. I swear one of them was about to pass out- she was hyperventilating and saying "I don't like this.....I don't like this...I don't like this.....I don't like this" up to the point where I was about to thwap her on the head with my chair. At least it'd have put her out of her misery. I picked Andrew just to make him mad because he criticized my poem in front of the class just because he's a pryckhead. I haaate that guy. BUT IN A FUN WAY!!!!!!

Oh YEAH I skipped mathy. It was ok. Teacher's really really really nice (I'm jinxing it, aren't I?) but I have a lotta home-w to do tonite. From nowhere but there.

Expl for Language was bad. I sat really close to this guy- the kind that can only be funny by being a bytch. ermggrgrumbleexpletiveeush

Home Ec...class expanded about 60 people. Becca's in there. She's also a bytch.

*EDIT* Wow..I am so judgmental...I completely forgot I said this about them. Becca and Aaron are both good friends now...

Hey, guess what, I lost my virginity last night......

Ok, not really, but you're probably falling asleep reading this post right now, so I thought I'd spice it up a bit. You awake now?


I'm tired as hell. Well of course I'm tired as hell, what else would I be after 5 hours of sleep?


Ah, that was refreshing. A 23 z sleep.

wtf happened to my user info??? look

Bytches of livejournal, I say. BYTCHES OF LIVEJOURNAL!!!!!!!!!!!

so long.. farewell.. lalalala.. goodbye


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